Moment of Truth

One autumn morning, I came to the realization that I was getting myself deeper and deeper into something that I did not like just because I had come to believe that if others believe in my abilities then I had no reason to doubt my decisions. Until that point, I did not ask myself if others encouraged me to continue because I seemed confident in what I did. I did not know how to be honest with myself or to fail and start over in a new direction. I decided to change my career focus from what I perceived as socially more acceptable, prestigious, challenging, well paying (Mathematics/Info); to what I genuinely enjoyed and would do as a hobby (media, communication, and philosophy). I prepared to defend my decision once I shared my decision with my family. When I explained the decision to them, I expected them to insist that I should always try to work harder and never give up. They did not oppose my decision. This expectation violation triggered me to change my perception. I found out that I had for so long created the pressure to excel within my head. I did this by creating a self-concept that made me consider my ‘individual self’ as secondary to the needs and reputation of the group (family). I had wanted to be ‘someone’ by taking a role and status1. I was well aware that this would affect the other ‘selves’ that are linked to me (significant others).

After making the change to my career path, I had post-decisional dissonance2.

The following factors helped me deal with the dissonance:

• The decision that I had made was comfortable and it made me happy (attractiveness of the decision).

• I tried to think that happiness/sanity was more important that the financial security of higher paying jobs (comparative attractiveness of the decision and the alternative).

It is clear that the beliefs and attitudes that I had, as well as the norms that I had until then developed were limiting my personal growth and independence. The experiences in my new environment contradicted the core beliefs and attitudes that determined my terminal values3 and self-concept. I had to reorganize my beliefs in order to eliminate the contradiction.

“… Many people will deliberately change their life’s situation in order to alter their own self-concept. Here, the IMe would not permit. Such a change might have occurred, for example, when you went to college. Many high school students decide that they will use college to establish a new me by associating with a new group of significant others and by establishing a new generalized other. This is what people mean when they say that they got a new start.”

LittleJohn, Theories of Human Communication, pg. 148

The change of social environment distanced me from the significant others that had so far influenced my norms and value systems. Although I did not pay attention to it at the time, the interaction with new people in a new cultural environment provided grounds for a new beginning. This was made possible by the ‘new’ significant others that did not champion the same values and goals that were encouraged (at least in my opinion at the time) in my family.